Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Hmm...Just another day to begin with.maybe with some changes already after the 4 days ago.the things which happen today i don't want to write it out.it is so late now already and i still can't sleep.i am seriously tired but i can't get to sleep.i think i seriously am going to destroy myself.i can't take it anymore.at night YL send my some techno.my mei came to chit chat with me a little.after that i went to hear the techno,blasting my ears.at first i stop thinking of anything which i was,then i thought i really can relax myself already.but in the end???it failed i still keep thinking and missing someone.tried to called but no people pick up the phone,she got her reasons but i think it is just a irritating thing i did by calling her.i should not have called her and should not even have message her but when she tell me about the mother things i started to reply.hmmm, i don't know what i am doing plus i don't know who i am to you now.i will tried to get some sleep after eating 5 sleeping pills because ytd i ate 3 and i sleep for 2 hours...so hoping that i can sleep for 5 hours with those pills...sleep the whole day i also don't mind i don't even have the mood to go to school.it just felt like i am going to school like not the regular way??but forget it man.i need to get used to the way i am going to school now.alone doesn't matter,got my mp4 with me.nothing can stop me already.maybe will just keep thinking all the way to school,in school,after school,on the way home.aiya the whole day thats it.
who who who who who am i to you??
what do you treat me as??
Thanks Vincent,Yiliang,Shim,JunAn and Mei for spending their time on me.especially my mei.hehes...thanks mei...kor got time treat you go eat a meal.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Well well well...let's see...it is 12 now.i woke up at 11.slept at 8.45.after the calculations,i think i only slept for about 2hours and 15 minutes.sooner or later i will break down de.felt tired but tried to go back sleep and it does not work.even if i tried eating the sleeping pills,i can't even sleep yet.but today i did received a message today by her,felt really happy when she told me to take care but it was sad again when i remembered that she is trying hard to be with him back too.do you know i always have the temptation to message you?calling you?my mei know it only ba,so far i think only she know about the problem.press reply and type out what i want to say and cancel it after i had finished typing.putting my finger at your contact wanting to call you but i just can't press it.hais,if only pain killer can stop this kind of pain it will be wonderful.but it is not possible,because everyone won't be hurt by relationships.
Now still sitting here thinking and thinking.i really wanted to reply you but i just think that it would be much better for you to get better with him.all i can think of is you and him getting well,you and him being happy.you happy jiu hao can already is what i have been always saying.i also hope you wear your hoodies when you are cold,or you will get a cold plus fall sick.drink more water too and don't too stress with your work.things will work out for you two and it surely will i guess?i don't know what to write anymore or you can say i don't want to write anymore.sometimes hurting your ownself can make you stop thinking things.
Sleepless.it is 3.00am and i am still sitting in my room using the computer,blogging here.while blogging i am chatting with my god sister too.we are somehow explaining our life to each other.i don't know why i still can't sleep for now.when i closed my eyes it somehow brought me back to the past of what happened.the smiles,jokes,laughter and sillyness which i somehow just can't forget.if i can somehow take a watch and hypnotize myself and forget it i would be sleeping now.but maybe it won't even work if i tried to do that.don't know what should i do.maybe i should make myself do "IT" again then i can stop thinking about it.
Just now went to Ke Wei's house for a barbecue.went there with my mei and jasper.reached there and helped out a little then went to fetch vincent at the bus-stop.later on just stayed there eating and playing ps3,computer games.felt that there was nothing for me to do so just kept playing and playing if not will keep thinking about things.but somehow it doesn't work for me.even playing games i still can think of things which i hope i can stop thinking althought i am not willing to forget them.well then carried on all the way like this at his house.bused home with jasper at 11 plus.now here blogging all this,feeling so tired but i can't fall asleep.i should start restocking on my sleeping pills.they do help alot for problems like this.a pill a day,stops the thinking an hour. things that i am wondering is that how is the person doing?fine with him?ate already?got takecare?not sick right?must be happy now ba?am i thinking too much?YES YOU ARE!ignore me.i think i am goin insane soon or i will be able to handle this.i don't care le...go watch tv and chat with my mei.lazy to write.or should i say i don't know what else to write anymore.hais..Smile like you mean it peoples~
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Basically i don't know if you will be seeing this post.it might be either a yes or a no.just to let you know,i don't hate you but actually i am making all the sad things to myself.i don't need you to believe me nor i am trying to say that i am very wei da.so after all if you think that i hate you then it is alright with me.you happy then everything is fine with me.the more further you leave me and forget me,the closer you will get to him and much better with him.the scissors and thumbdrive you need not return them to me.you can keep and use them ba.sad things i one person bear with it.you happy and must takecare ownself can already.by not replying you you can say that i hate you or whatever but it is up to you to see how you want to put it.what i say will only just be excuses only.from the bottom of my heart i already wish you two happy le.
I want to thank all the friends which forgive me yesterday.especially jiamin,i think i own you alot.then really contented that they are willing to cheer me up,stay by me and support me.then i don't know what else to write.maybe the whole day i am laughing and running around,talking about stupid things and lame jokes but i just can't stop thinking and wondering about things.all those things which happened and all those things which i longed for.all just ended the way which i didn't really want it to be.i going to chat with my mei now le.she want to know about somethings which happened yesterday afternoon and night.so just takecare ba.
The further you leave me,
the nearer you got to him.
The moment you start walking,
is the moment which i hoped you will turn back and look at me.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Seriously i don't know how should i write or whether i am going to write everything out here.maybe not going to write everything.well, past few days have a lot of things happening though some of it are not mine but some how it affected me and my mood too.
Feeling bad on my sister birthday celebration cause they were cutting the cake downstairs at the BBQ pit and i was feeling a little dizzy and nauseous so stayed on bed to rest but i did went down at 12 to give her the present and wished her happy birthday.Don't know what is happening?maybe dying soon or what?my body feels pain and lots of problem.
Next is the problem which only some people know??but think they are already alright for now so nothing to say about just that she don't think so much about the problem.but i am not going to say anything about it too cause what i say also got no use.so don't want to say anything much more.things i should care for you,i fulfill them.things i can do for you,i did too.anything within my limits i never consider a no.
There is things i wanted to say or voice out but i didn't.i keep my mouth shut till even micro-organism cannot get in.Because if say the things out, you will thinking of other things again.trying to treat you even better but i don't know how.treating you too well is like hurting you,but not treating you well hurts even more.i got problems but i don't know how to say or whom to tell.you got your problems and share with you so even if i tell you my problems you also wont be thinking about it so i guess not saying is the best thing to do?i seriously is on the verge or breaking down and apart.it feels like i am going to give up but i am not willing to.just wondering if you are fine always an everything.words i wanted to tell you just now kept inside and i don't wan to say them anymore.hope you are fine can already.nothing else i want to say or to voice out.you happy jiu hao le.
